How To “Come Back”

Well, let’s just start with the obvious.

I never really left The Palisades. 207 days on, I might have been “forced” to move to Culver City because my beloved home burnt down, but that’s just geography. My heart, my soul, my dreams and ideals? They are still rooted deeply in my beloved town, so six months on, the only logical decision is to move my body back to where it all began, where everything was devastated and decimated, and where it will all rise again after a lot of arduous effort. In order to achieve this goal, I am proactively pivoting in my thinking about what it takes to successfully “come back”.

A student of Political Science at UCLA, I am reminded of President John F. Kennedy’s 1961 inaugural speech where he (or possibly his speechwriter, Ted Sorensen) wrote the memorable line, “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.” That line really encapsulates what I am feeling on a micro level. Although I am still concerned about America’s policy decisions, both domestic and international, the focus of my life right now is legislation, government initiatives and bills that affect the rebuilding of Pacific Palisades. That’s all I have the energy to be concerned about post fires and that, in itself, is a lot.

So, in my head, it’s the proverbial boots on hallowed ground while committing to every productive effort to do what I can as one person to help the process. This has included small steps like attending stellar performances from Theater Palisades in temporary, borrowed spaces until we figure out how to effectively replace our cherished theater. That also means participating in trauma group therapy to listen to the plight of my neighbors while seeking counsel for the issues I’m facing in the immediate. Being a neighbor means supporting friends with everything from appointments to advice. Listening has become a skill set I am working hard to perfect, so I know what I’m facing in terms of the challenges and the timeline for when things can come back to some semblance of normalcy.

I shot a series of shorts, mostly for posterity, in the immediate aftermath of the fires and the five episode series was a comprehensive take on how my friends and I were feeling. The first 100 days were mind numbing and I couldn’t see a clear path back. And then a light bulb went off in my mind during the second 100 days. There was no way things were not going to be markedly different and I had to embrace that with open, non judgmental arms. If I deluded myself into thinking I could go back to the life I once knew, I was going to be frustrated and sorely disappointed. If I thought I could return to serenity and Equinox as I knew it on January 6th, 2025, I would be living in a perpetual state of denial. But, if I saw The Palisades for what it once was and for all that it gave me for four glorious decades, I could perceive it the way I perceive my 88 year old dementia ridden father whose condition has worsened as a result of the displacement. I could cherish the memories and I could challenge reality.

I will be grateful for everything that once was and just as any healthy relationship is reciprocal, I will give back to The Palisades in its time of need. I have to dig in, embrace the inconveniences and the glaring examples of destruction and look past them to the perception of Pacific Palisades as it will appear when restored to a new version building on solid foundation.

And I advise others to embrace a similar style of thinking. If you are coming home and expecting Pacific Palisades to offer anything to you, you’re going to be sadly frustrated. The town has nothing to give; it’s holding its hands out for help. If you are thinking you are moving back to anything less than a war zone where a battle was waged and the high winds and gross negligence emerged the victors, you are going to be disappointed. What once was just isn’t.

But, if you are buoyed by healthy vegetation in scorched spaces and flowers inexplicably blossoming next to charred foliage, this is the place for you. If you can look past the sadness to see surfers confidently lugging their surfboards across PCH to waters that are questionable and possibly contaminated to ride blessed waves, this is where you should be. And if you live on the premise of hope and ask yourself what you can do for The Palisades, then nothing has changed for you in your dedication to what still, for me, remains the greatest place on the planet to be blessed enough to call home.

Ask not what your Palisades can do for you, ask what you can do for your Palisades and the answer, in my opinion, will be restorative and life-affirming.